Room 509, Sunday morning/afternoon

[trigons_child]

To say Raven was confused would be an understatement.

After spending a week dealing with the effects the other Fandom and dying there, she was slowly starting to feel better -- or at least better at compartmentalizing and denying. Talking to Karla, Anakin, and even Max had helped a great deal. Then Chuck had been so nice about wanting to make her feel better. She'd told Anakin that she thought it wise that she back off from experiencing emotions, and he had agreed, but she wanted so much to balance out the awfulness she had experienced with something good, and love was very very good.

What she had experienced with Chuck had been wonderful and amazing, everything and nothing like she had imagined it would be. But when it was over, he had brusquely told her that there were things he needed to do, and she had to leave. There had been nothing more she wanted at that moment than to stay there with him, but she was not familiar with what was customary, so she did as Chuck wished, even if it hurt.

She'd done the walk of shame returned to her room and curled on her bed, unable to sleep with all the thoughts in her head. Now that she'd tasted love, she wanted more. (The fact that it wasn't love, but sex? Totally beyond her.) Chuck loved her, and she wanted so much now to make him happy, but she wasn't sure what she should do. Maybe Joan would have advice for her. The thought of looking through some of the books in Aphrodite's store also occurred to her, but she wasn't sure she was up for that yet.


[Door is ajar, post is open.]

Comments

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"So you and Chuck... had sex?" Joan asked.

[trigons_child]

Raven blushed more now. "We made love," she said happily. "I was nervous, but he was so gentle and kind." Though, once again, she had no basis of comparison. "He made me feel things I had never even dreamed of. Is it shameless of me to say I cannot wait to do it again?"

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"Rachel," Joan said with a sigh, feeling completely out of her depth with trying to figure out how to explain this. "Some people don't consider sex and love to be the same thing."

[trigons_child]

Raven shook her head. "He cares for me. I know he does."

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

Joan nodded. "I'm sure he does."

No, she wasn't sure of that at all.

"But... I don't think he cares for you the same way you care for him."

[trigons_child]

"I can sense you are concerned, Joan," Raven said. "But...you were not there. What happened was so wondrous. I have never felt this way before, and I do not want to ever lose this feeling."

The denial was strong in this one. She wasn't so sure she wanted to tell Joan about Chuck telling her to leave now.

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"I am concerned," Joan said. "You have no experience with this kind of thing and Chuck... Chuck is a nice guy to have as a friend, but he is not the kind of guy that falls in love."

She was so very out of her depth with this. "I understand wanting to feel good things, but you should talk to Professor Skywalker about how to take it slow."

[trigons_child]

"I do not think I can talk to Professor Skywalker about this," Raven said, eyes wide. She talked to him about everything else, but she couldn't imagine talking about sex and love with him.

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

Joan nodded. "Okay, but you need to talk to someone who knows more about this stuff than I do. Because I am worried about you and I don't know how much I can help."

[trigons_child]

"Can you not be happy for me, Joan?" Raven said, almost pleadingly. She really didn't want her fantasy to come crashing down so soon, though a small part of her had to know it was inevitable. "After everything that happened...after how the other Liir and Tahiri and Max twisted my gifts and my soul and how Professor Skywalker was forced to kill me...I feel happiness and love and it is so good."

She realized in passing that she may not have filled Joan in on all the details of what happened in the Other Fandom. Ooops.

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

No, she had not filled Joan in which was why Joan was currently gaping at her.

"Uh... Professor Skywalker was forced to kill you?"

[trigons_child]

"Yes," Raven said, closing her eyes. "That is why I woke sooner than the others. I lost control of my gifts. I was causing pain instead of healing it. Professor Skywalker had to kill me before I harmed him and others."

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"Oh, Rachel, I'm so sorry," Joan said, moving to sit next to her and hug her.

[trigons_child]

"I was fortunate," she said, hugging Joan back. "I did not truly die, though I felt as if I did. The other Raven, the one whose body I was within, did die, however. She had been changed by that place, and even when I was there, the pain and death was too much, especially after what the vampire did to us." Her voice was flat and emotionless now; she was still trying to detach herself from the experience.

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

Joan nodded. "It sounds terrible. No wonder you were so scared when you got back."

[trigons_child]

"She -- we -- did not belong in that place," Raven said. "She did not even have Professor Skywalker's training to help her shield out all the horror, and it began to corrupt her. And me, when I came to be there. But...that place is gone now." She wished the scars would be as easy to leave behind.

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"Well that won't happen to you here," Joan promised.

[trigons_child]

"Yes," Raven said, nodding. "Do not let Liir feel badly about anything that happened there. That creature was not him. What truly made him Liir, his soul, was gone."

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"I think he's starting to understand that," Joan said.

[trigons_child]

"Good," Raven said, relieved. "I have not truly spoken to him since...what happened. I fled after I made certain he was well when he awoke. My wounds were still too fresh. I know I must seek him out to talk."

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"You definitely should," Joan encouraged. "I think it would be good for both of you."

[trigons_child]

"I will," Raven promised. "Soon."

She just hoped Liir would be more supportive of the idea of her and Chuck.

Yeah, fat chance of that.

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"Good."

Joan sighed. "And is there an adult you can talk to about the Chuck thing?"

[trigons_child]

"I do not think so," Raven said. "The only adult I speak to at any length is Professor Skywalker." Except maybe Aphrodite -- and she would be supportive of love, wouldn't she? And this wasn't exactly a favor she could call in from Max.

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"I wish there was someone you could talk to who knows more about this stuff than I do," Joan said. "What about one of your other friends?"