trigons_child: (Leaning back)
It had been over three months since Karla and Jaenelle had finally managed to heal the trauma to Raven's mind and restore her memories. Her initial reaction had been joy to remember Karla's face and all she meant to her, but then everything else came crashing down. "Thank you," she'd said. "I remember everything again, but I fear this has all left me quite drained. If you will excuse me, I must go rest for awhile."

Snipped for putting the emo in demon. )

But now Fandom was holding an alumni event, and Raven found herself thinking over these past few months as she debated whether she would be going or not. No, of course she would be going; she could not miss the opportunity to see old friends. And they didn't know her memories had returned, for she'd asked Karla to not tell anyone to give her time to settle.

It was the anxiety creeping in now to disturb the peace she'd found that had her feeling somewhat uneasy. But she refused to let it take hold. She shook her head, took a deep breath, and centered herself, pushing the thoughts away as she put her focus back on the paperwork she was looking over involving expenses for one of the orphanages.

[Open for visits, phone calls, texts, or whatnot. SP because work and running off to doctor's appointment!]
trigons_child: (Feeling lost)
Raven missed the rooftop of the dorms back in Fandom, but she'd found an adequate replacement at Karla's estate. Wrapped in her cloak and staring up at the stars or out at the lights of the city, it almost felt like she was back to a time when life was simpler. Well, mostly.

She'd been on edge for weeks now, her emotional state veering between highs and lows. She hadn't felt this out of control in awhile, since the war had ended. She knew she should go see Dr. Lecter again, but while he wasn't afraid of bumping into her demon side, she worried what she might do. She'd used her gifts to kill again, had tapped deep into the powers her father had bestowed upon herself and her brothers. Except this time it hadn't made her sick to do it, and she had a feeling that was a bad sign.

She'd retreated to the roof to try to put a little distance between her and the emotions around her. Centering herself, however, wasn't happening. Brooding? Perhaps.


[Open for anyone in Glacia, texts, or phone calls!]
trigons_child: (Comic Scan: Sad)
Raven was glad that Karla was finally able to visit her; she'd been sorely in need of some quality Karla time. She'd met her in the dorm lobby to get her signed in as her guest, then brought her upstairs to her room, one half of which was very black and incense and Raven-y, the other half being more like a typical college student's dorm room. "I suppose I could have merely teleported you directly to my room, for my roommate is gone for the rest of the week, but I have been trying to hard to do things as if I do not have powers, I did not even think of it," she said apologetically.

She sat down on the edge of her bed and gave Karla a tired smile. "Thank you for coming," she said. "It is so very good to see you."

Cut for pre-play, where Raven has Issues and Karla plays therapist. )
trigons_child: (Feeling lost)
Raven had decided not to go to the Halloween party since she wasn't in a very festive mood. She was too concerned about what had happened to Jono and how she could help him, and at the same time worried about being too smothering. She knew she had a tendency to be pushy, yet she didn't want to further injure his pride.

She made a few handwavey calls, to Karla and people she knew were good friends with Jono, asking them to come by her room when they had the chance. Then she sat down on her bed, back against the wall, snuggling with Joni and trying to figure out what best to do.


[ooc: Post and door are open, but the flowers may make me slow from time to time, la. If you think you got a phone call you probably did. :) Details of conversations are NFB BITE ME SHANIE.]
trigons_child: (Default)
Raven had decided not to go to the Halloween party since she wasn't in a very festive mood. She was too concerned about what had happened to Jono and how she could help him, and at the same time worried about being too smothering. She knew she had a tendency to be pushy, yet she didn't want to further injure his pride.

She made a few handwavey calls, to Karla and people she knew were good friends with Jono, asking them to come by her room when they had the chance. Then she sat down on her bed, back against the wall, snuggling with Joni and trying to figure out what best to do.


[ooc: Post and door are open, but the flowers may make me slow from time to time, la. If you think you got a phone call you probably did. :) Details of conversations are NFB BITE ME SHANIE.]
trigons_child: (Comic Scan: Sad)
Since Karla and Warren were away and a return to Kaeleer wasn't imminent, and Fandom wasn't being invaded or transformed or infected, Raven decided to take advantage of the time to pay a visit to her mother in Gotham. She had seen Arella infrequently since her restoration at Sebastian's hands, and each time it had felt strained and awkward. But she kept trying to close the distance between them. For most of her life in Azarath Arella had been forbidden to see her for fear of creating a maternal bond and the emotions that would result. Azar had been wrong; true, negative emotions were dangerous, for anger and fear fed her demon side, but others, like the love she bore for her friends, made her stronger. And now she wanted the mother's love she'd long been denied.

It didn't go well. )

[ooc: Dialogue swiped from The New Titans #67, because Raven is never allowed to be happy or something. Seriously, in rapid succession her mother abandoned her, she got bit by a wererat thing and temporarily went evil (again), she had an evil robot boyfriend who tried to coerce her into sleeping with him so he could eat her soul, and then she was tricked into trying to heal "the most insane man on earth" so she could be incapacitated and kidnapped and strapped down naked with the rest of the Titans for a freakin' YEAR before finally dying (again) in the LAMEST plot ever only to come back evil (again) wearing tiny strips of black leather so she could interrupt Starfire and Nightwing's wedding by smooching the bride and knocking her up (with herself) but I am not bitter really and totally ignoring most of that. GOD, CANON. Ahem.]
 
trigons_child: (Comic Scan: Sad)
Since Karla and Warren were away and a return to Kaeleer wasn't imminent, and Fandom wasn't being invaded or transformed or infected, Raven decided to take advantage of the time to pay a visit to her mother in Gotham. She had seen Arella infrequently since her restoration at Sebastian's hands, and each time it had felt strained and awkward. But she kept trying to close the distance between them. For most of her life in Azarath Arella had been forbidden to see her for fear of creating a maternal bond and the emotions that would result. Azar had been wrong; true, negative emotions were dangerous, for anger and fear fed her demon side, but others, like the love she bore for her friends, made her stronger. And now she wanted the mother's love she'd long been denied.

It didn't go well. )

[ooc: Dialogue swiped from The New Titans #67, because Raven is never allowed to be happy or something. Seriously, in rapid succession her mother abandoned her, she got bit by a wererat thing and temporarily went evil (again), she had an evil robot boyfriend who tried to coerce her into sleeping with him so he could eat her soul, and then she was tricked into trying to heal "the most insane man on earth" so she could be incapacitated and kidnapped and strapped down naked with the rest of the Titans for a freakin' YEAR before finally dying (again) in the LAMEST plot ever only to come back evil (again) wearing tiny strips of black leather so she could interrupt Starfire and Nightwing's wedding by smooching the bride and knocking her up (with herself) but I am not bitter really and totally ignoring most of that. GOD, CANON. Ahem.]
 
trigons_child: (Comic Scan: Hugging Pillow)
Tension and unease kept Raven awake in Glacia; though she managed to quell her fears that Karla or Warren would try to kill her, since she hoped in their hearts they could recognize she was not the same as her future self in this world, she was still afraid one of Karla's court might take it upon him or herself to rid their Queen of the potential threat. She stayed to her room and watched the skies outside her window, waiting for signs of dawn, heralding what she prayed was a return to Fandom, but she was so drained that she finally fell into a troubled sleep in the early hours of the morning.

While she slept, Fandom pulled her back home, and as consciousness gradually returned, she realized she was right where she'd gone to sleep Friday night, in Jono's hotel room. Her initial surge of relief to be back was quickly chased away by the memories of that awful place, and she rolled on to her side, pressing her face into a pillow to try to muffle her tears.

Snipped for preplay. )

[Preplayed with the wonderful [livejournal.com profile] furnaceface and coded using [livejournal.com profile] whateverknight's spiffy coder.]
 
trigons_child: (Default)
Tension and unease kept Raven awake in Glacia; though she managed to quell her fears that Karla or Warren would try to kill her, since she hoped in their hearts they could recognize she was not the same as her future self in this world, she was still afraid one of Karla's court might take it upon him or herself to rid their Queen of the potential threat. She stayed to her room and watched the skies outside her window, waiting for signs of dawn, heralding what she prayed was a return to Fandom, but she was so drained that she finally fell into a troubled sleep in the early hours of the morning.

While she slept, Fandom pulled her back home, and as consciousness gradually returned, she realized she was right where she'd gone to sleep Friday night, in Jono's hotel room. Her initial surge of relief to be back was quickly chased away by the memories of that awful place, and she rolled on to her side, pressing her face into a pillow to try to muffle her tears.

Snipped for preplay. )

[Preplayed with the wonderful [livejournal.com profile] furnaceface and coded using [livejournal.com profile] whateverknight's spiffy coder.]
 
trigons_child: (Comic Scan: Contemplating)
Raven had been grateful for Karla's insistence that she stay with her once they returned to the dorms. The thought of being alone again terrified her. But her guilt and sadness made it impossible for her to rest, and since she didn't want to disturb Karla or Gabrielle's sleep, she slipped out of the room to find some place to meditate.

She didn't want to go up to her room; she had no idea what Ariel had been told about her disappearance or return and didn't want to frighten her by suddenly walking into the room. So she retreated to the roof instead. The black nightgown Karla had given her (her own, in fact, which had been left behind after Karla's Virgin Night) would have been little defense against the cold, so she'd taken the white cloak Sebastian had insisted she wear. She didn't like that it was his or that it was stained with Warren's blood, smeared there when she'd hugged Karla, but it was better than freezing.

She was back in Fandom, back home with those she loved, much as the memory of what she'd done to them tormented her. But people had died to bring her back, some willingly, some not. She hadn't asked for that, she never would have asked for that, and now she was scared what the dark magics used to resurrect her body might have done.

Her father was gone, but so was Azarath. Her friends were forgiving, but she could feel the tension beneath their words. Jono was afraid of her -- no, not her. Himself. And she was so weary of being used, by Sebastian, by Trigon, even by Azar.

She didn't know how to begin to make things right. So for now, she huddled in a dark corner of the roof and quietly cried.


[OOC: open! But emo girl is emo. ;) ]
 
trigons_child: (Default)
Raven had been grateful for Karla's insistence that she stay with her once they returned to the dorms. The thought of being alone again terrified her. But her guilt and sadness made it impossible for her to rest, and since she didn't want to disturb Karla or Gabrielle's sleep, she slipped out of the room to find some place to meditate.

She didn't want to go up to her room; she had no idea what Ariel had been told about her disappearance or return and didn't want to frighten her by suddenly walking into the room. So she retreated to the roof instead. The black nightgown Karla had given her (her own, in fact, which had been left behind after Karla's Virgin Night) would have been little defense against the cold, so she'd taken the white cloak Sebastian had insisted she wear. She didn't like that it was his or that it was stained with Warren's blood, smeared there when she'd hugged Karla, but it was better than freezing.

She was back in Fandom, back home with those she loved, much as the memory of what she'd done to them tormented her. But people had died to bring her back, some willingly, some not. She hadn't asked for that, she never would have asked for that, and now she was scared what the dark magics used to resurrect her body might have done.

Her father was gone, but so was Azarath. Her friends were forgiving, but she could feel the tension beneath their words. Jono was afraid of her -- no, not her. Himself. And she was so weary of being used, by Sebastian, by Trigon, even by Azar.

She didn't know how to begin to make things right. So for now, she huddled in a dark corner of the roof and quietly cried.


[OOC: open! But emo girl is emo. ;) ]
 
trigons_child: (Comic Scan: Sad)
The moment her chakra had been restored to her and her mind and emotions became her own once more, Raven had been furious at being so used by Sebastian. She did not let the anger control her, however, but she had quickly removed the threat to her friends by pulling Sebastian and his followers and the demons into the netherverse, ejecting them into some random hell dimension. It was only fitting.

That taken care of, her next need was home. Away from this place. She wrapped her Soul-Self around her friends, healing them of any injuries they'd suffered to come find her here, and teleported them all back to Fandom. Darkness had just begun to fall as they appeared on the edge of the Preserve behind the dorms.

Except she wasn't sure this was home anymore. The anger and adrenaline faded as soon as they were all safe, now replaced by guilt and shame. Once again her friends had been harmed because of her. "I am sorry," she said quietly. The words weren't nearly enough to make up for what she'd done to them. Awkward and confused, she had no idea what to do now. )

[OOC: Preplayed with the wonderful [livejournal.com profile] blondecanary, [livejournal.com profile] furnaceface, [livejournal.com profile] glacial_witch, [livejournal.com profile] justwantsquiet, [livejournal.com profile] longislandiceme, [livejournal.com profile] not_a_parakeet, [livejournal.com profile] sith_happened, and [livejournal.com profile] weetuskenraider. This is for broadcast, but NFI, and OOC is always happy!]
 
trigons_child: (Comic Scan: Sad)
The moment her chakra had been restored to her and her mind and emotions became her own once more, Raven had been furious at being so used by Sebastian. She did not let the anger control her, however, but she had quickly removed the threat to her friends by pulling Sebastian and his followers and the demons into the netherverse, ejecting them into some random hell dimension. It was only fitting.

That taken care of, her next need was home. Away from this place. She wrapped her Soul-Self around her friends, healing them of any injuries they'd suffered to come find her here, and teleported them all back to Fandom. Darkness had just begun to fall as they appeared on the edge of the Preserve behind the dorms.

Except she wasn't sure this was home anymore. The anger and adrenaline faded as soon as they were all safe, now replaced by guilt and shame. Once again her friends had been harmed because of her. "I am sorry," she said quietly. The words weren't nearly enough to make up for what she'd done to them. Awkward and confused, she had no idea what to do now. )

[OOC: Preplayed with the wonderful [livejournal.com profile] blondecanary, [livejournal.com profile] furnaceface, [livejournal.com profile] glacial_witch, [livejournal.com profile] justwantsquiet, [livejournal.com profile] longislandiceme, [livejournal.com profile] not_a_parakeet, [livejournal.com profile] sith_happened, and [livejournal.com profile] weetuskenraider. This is for broadcast, but NFI, and OOC is always happy!]
 
trigons_child: (Quiet)
Raven sat on the floor of her room, completely dark but for a single candle. "Azar, I beseech you," she prayed. "Hear my words, answer my prayers. I need you, Goddess. I need you. My mind is a battleground, whipped and ripped asunder, torn from the very fabric of reality. He, that demon who is Trigon, that demon who is my father...he calls for me. And his summons becomes so hard to resist."

She heard nothing from her former teacher, no words or comforting touch on her mind, but she hadn't really expected she would. Still, it hurt to have that last bit of hope crumble. "Then my course is charted," she murmured. "And my sad destiny awaits."

She'd leave in the morning. She'd run like she'd run from Azarath, a last attempt to protect those she loved before the evil churning within her consumed her. But for one last night she'd pretend Fandom was still her home.

Raven blew out the candle, crawled into her bed, and cried herself to sleep.

Raven wasn't the only person still awake. )

[And away we go. Preplayed with [livejournal.com profile] glacial_witch. NFI and NFB, but OOC, as always, is welcome.]
trigons_child: (Quiet)
Raven sat on the floor of her room, completely dark but for a single candle. "Azar, I beseech you," she prayed. "Hear my words, answer my prayers. I need you, Goddess. I need you. My mind is a battleground, whipped and ripped asunder, torn from the very fabric of reality. He, that demon who is Trigon, that demon who is my father...he calls for me. And his summons becomes so hard to resist."

She heard nothing from her former teacher, no words or comforting touch on her mind, but she hadn't really expected she would. Still, it hurt to have that last bit of hope crumble. "Then my course is charted," she murmured. "And my sad destiny awaits."

She'd leave in the morning. She'd run like she'd run from Azarath, a last attempt to protect those she loved before the evil churning within her consumed her. But for one last night she'd pretend Fandom was still her home.

Raven blew out the candle, crawled into her bed, and cried herself to sleep.

Raven wasn't the only person still awake. )

[And away we go. Preplayed with [livejournal.com profile] glacial_witch. NFI and NFB, but OOC, as always, is welcome.]
trigons_child: (Eyes closed profile)
Raven was trying to meditate. She needed to rest her body after being afraid to sleep again the night before (Bobby's birthday present was coming in very handy these days), but after an an unsettling phone call, and then snarling back an answer, she was too on edge to relax at all. (The following phone calls really didn't help, either.)

Meditation wasn't working. Boosts to her shielding only helped for a short time before they weakened against her father's power again. Being with friends helped a great deal, but she was beginning to accept she was putting them in danger with her presence. Trigon could act against them through her -- he'd proven that last night when she'd ended up at Max's house -- and she couldn't bear to think of causing them harm.

Agitated, she began to pace. She didn't want to leave Fandom, but how could she stay now?


[ooc: door is closed, post is open, but I may be slow at times due to the #@&*^% flowers.]
trigons_child: (Default)
Raven was trying to meditate. She needed to rest her body after being afraid to sleep again the night before (Bobby's birthday present was coming in very handy these days), but after an an unsettling phone call, and then snarling back an answer, she was too on edge to relax at all. (The following phone calls really didn't help, either.)

Meditation wasn't working. Boosts to her shielding only helped for a short time before they weakened against her father's power again. Being with friends helped a great deal, but she was beginning to accept she was putting them in danger with her presence. Trigon could act against them through her -- he'd proven that last night when she'd ended up at Max's house -- and she couldn't bear to think of causing them harm.

Agitated, she began to pace. She didn't want to leave Fandom, but how could she stay now?


[ooc: door is closed, post is open, but I may be slow at times due to the #@&*^% flowers.]
trigons_child: (Brooding B&W)
Raven huddled on a rocky spire in the netherverse, head bowed as she fought for control of herself. The skies were an angry red and purple instead of black now, and lightning streaked across them. Her behavior in Special Collections the day before sickened her, as did her reaction when Jono had touched her in the library. Trigon's whispers were becoming stronger and stronger, and it was all she could do to resist the pull of his evil. She'd retreated within herself to try to find some peace and regain control before she hurt someone. It pained her that she could do nothing more to aid in finding Karla and the others, but right now she was more of a hindrance than a help.

"Why have you done this to me, Azar?" she whispered. "Surely before you perished you had to know the suffering I would endure. You had to know the changes that would befall me. I feel hate now. Azar, I feel the urge to kill! You taught me that pacifism was strength, not weakness. But you were wrong, Azar -- wrong! I feel my father's evil growing within me and I am frightened by my new thoughts. Thoughts of death! Thoughts of decay! Thoughts of power! And I am frightened by these thoughts not because I have them...but because I relish them!"

She couldn't hold back her tears anymore. "Help me, Azar," she begged. "I desperately wish to stand beside my friends at their moment of need, yet because of what I am becoming, I cannot. Give me comfort, Azar, or damn me to hell. I cannot abide what I have become!

Silence was her only answer, aside from the rumble of thunder. Or was that her father's laughter? She kept trying, however. She was going to remain here for quite some time until she felt in control of herself enough to return to Fandom.


[ooc: NFB, NFI, warnings for melodramtic canon. I tone it down, people. I TONE IT DOWN.]
trigons_child: (Default)
Raven huddled on a rocky spire in the netherverse, head bowed as she fought for control of herself. The skies were an angry red and purple instead of black now, and lightning streaked across them. Her behavior in Special Collections the day before sickened her, as did her reaction when Jono had touched her in the library. Trigon's whispers were becoming stronger and stronger, and it was all she could do to resist the pull of his evil. She'd retreated within herself to try to find some peace and regain control before she hurt someone. It pained her that she could do nothing more to aid in finding Karla and the others, but right now she was more of a hindrance than a help.

"Why have you done this to me, Azar?" she whispered. "Surely before you perished you had to know the suffering I would endure. You had to know the changes that would befall me. I feel hate now. Azar, I feel the urge to kill! You taught me that pacifism was strength, not weakness. But you were wrong, Azar -- wrong! I feel my father's evil growing within me and I am frightened by my new thoughts. Thoughts of death! Thoughts of decay! Thoughts of power! And I am frightened by these thoughts not because I have them...but because I relish them!"

She couldn't hold back her tears anymore. "Help me, Azar," she begged. "I desperately wish to stand beside my friends at their moment of need, yet because of what I am becoming, I cannot. Give me comfort, Azar, or damn me to hell. I cannot abide what I have become!

Silence was her only answer, aside from the rumble of thunder. Or was that her father's laughter? She kept trying, however. She was going to remain here for quite some time until she felt in control of herself enough to return to Fandom.


[ooc: NFB, NFI, warnings for melodramtic canon. I tone it down, people. I TONE IT DOWN.]
trigons_child: (Comic Scan: Sad)
Raven had been struggling to hold herself together for the past few days. It had been hard for her to deal with people leaving, Dinah and Hoshi and Joan most of all. But Didi hadn't just left, she was gone, and Jono was in so much pain. She'd pushed aside her own grief to be there for him, taking her charge from Didi very seriously, watching over him and making sure he knew he was not alone. She worried though about making him feel smothered, so she was glad take time to rest and to allow Ben or someone else to make certain Jono was all right.

Meeting her new little sibling Kon at the welcome picnic had been interesting, particularly since he was from a world similar to hers and knew of a Raven who was a hero. Through and through, he had said, and after what she had been told by someone else from her future about how she was evil, it had been a great relief.

But one more newcomer had spoiled that pleasure. Zatanna. The woman who had proclaimed her evil and made the Justice League turn its back on her. The one who led them to stop the ritual that would have barred Trigon's way into this world. Whose actions led to Arella sacrificing herself to hold Trigon back. Who said Raven had enough darkness in her to break this plane.

She'd contained her anger -- just barely -- even as some small part of her struggled to accept that this Zatanna was not the same as the one she knew. But that allowed all her grief and pain to come rushing out now, everything from Arella's loss to her soul being ravaged as Fandom had been devoured by the void to Andy and his brother who seemed to hate her to Karla to people going away to Didi and Jono to Zatanna. She'd held everything in too long, and now it all came crashing down on her, and all she could do was huddle on her bed and cry.


[ooc: Mostly establishly since she's been heading for a minibreakdown for awhile now, but if you want to deal with Emo Girl, feel free to knock. ;) And thanks to Bridgey for pointing out that first tag.]
 

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Raven

March 2016

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