Room 509, Sunday morning/afternoon

[trigons_child]

To say Raven was confused would be an understatement.

After spending a week dealing with the effects the other Fandom and dying there, she was slowly starting to feel better -- or at least better at compartmentalizing and denying. Talking to Karla, Anakin, and even Max had helped a great deal. Then Chuck had been so nice about wanting to make her feel better. She'd told Anakin that she thought it wise that she back off from experiencing emotions, and he had agreed, but she wanted so much to balance out the awfulness she had experienced with something good, and love was very very good.

What she had experienced with Chuck had been wonderful and amazing, everything and nothing like she had imagined it would be. But when it was over, he had brusquely told her that there were things he needed to do, and she had to leave. There had been nothing more she wanted at that moment than to stay there with him, but she was not familiar with what was customary, so she did as Chuck wished, even if it hurt.

She'd done the walk of shame returned to her room and curled on her bed, unable to sleep with all the thoughts in her head. Now that she'd tasted love, she wanted more. (The fact that it wasn't love, but sex? Totally beyond her.) Chuck loved her, and she wanted so much now to make him happy, but she wasn't sure what she should do. Maybe Joan would have advice for her. The thought of looking through some of the books in Aphrodite's store also occurred to her, but she wasn't sure she was up for that yet.


[Door is ajar, post is open.]

Comments

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

Joan hadn't seen Rachel for a few days and wanted to check on her. Plus she had a couple of brownies from yesterday and wanted to share.

She knocked on the door. "Rachel?"

[trigons_child]

"Please, come in, Joan," Raven said. She was still on her bed, sitting cross-legged and gazing out the window.

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"Liir made brownies yesterday," Joan said, walking in and sitting at Rachel's desk. "I brought you one. How've you been?"

[trigons_child]

"Thank you," Raven said. She unfolded her legs and perched on the edge of the bed. "I have been...it has not been easy, but I have been doing my best to heal from what happened in the other Fandom. And now...." She could not stop a smile from coming to her lips. "And now I am in love."

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

That... was unexpected. Joan handed her the brownie and gave her a confused look. "You are? I hadn't realized you were dating anyone."

[trigons_child]

No, the courtship part had been rather abruptly skipped.

Raven took the brownie and nibbled on one corner. "I was not," she admitted. "I am not supposed to allow myself such things, but it just happened and now I am so happy." And confused. And hurt. But she was trying to focus on the positive here.

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"You just happened to fall in love?" Joan asked. "With who?"

[trigons_child]

Raven ducked her head shyly. "With Chuck," she said.

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"... you're in love with Chuck Bass?"

Joan was trying not to wince. Because she was going to have to break it to Rachel that Chuck wasn't the type of guy a girl should fall in love with.

[trigons_child]

She nodded, still beaming. "I know it is sudden, but he loves me and what happened was so amazing." Not that she had a real basis for comparison, and it had been strange and uncomfortable at first, but she'd allowed his pleasure to enhance her own, and from there it had been incredible.

"I have suppressed my emotions most of my life," she went on, "but there was always some part of me that wanted to love and be loved. And after what happened in the other Fandom, it has helped so much to have something so wonderful and good to focus on now."

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

This could only end in tears.

"Chuck Bass said that he loves you? And, uh... what exactly happened?"

[trigons_child]

Chances of tears were 99.9%. The 0.1% was if Chuck were suddenly replaced by a pod person, but it could happen!

"He did not have to say it," Raven said. "I felt it. We spoke on the roof last night, and he was so concerned about me feeling joy after what had happened to me."

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"Uh huh. What kind of joy?" Joan asked.

[trigons_child]

"He wished to take care of me and help me feel pleasure and love," Raven said, blushing just a little. "I told him I was afraid of losing control, as my gifts have been unstable, but he was not afraid of the risk. He was only concerned for me."

Poor deluded empath.

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"Rachel, did Chuck... did he take advantage of you?" Joan asked.

[trigons_child]

Raven gave her an odd look. "No, of course not," she said.

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"So you and Chuck... had sex?" Joan asked.

[trigons_child]

Raven blushed more now. "We made love," she said happily. "I was nervous, but he was so gentle and kind." Though, once again, she had no basis of comparison. "He made me feel things I had never even dreamed of. Is it shameless of me to say I cannot wait to do it again?"

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"Rachel," Joan said with a sigh, feeling completely out of her depth with trying to figure out how to explain this. "Some people don't consider sex and love to be the same thing."

[trigons_child]

Raven shook her head. "He cares for me. I know he does."

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

Joan nodded. "I'm sure he does."

No, she wasn't sure of that at all.

"But... I don't think he cares for you the same way you care for him."

[trigons_child]

"I can sense you are concerned, Joan," Raven said. "But...you were not there. What happened was so wondrous. I have never felt this way before, and I do not want to ever lose this feeling."

The denial was strong in this one. She wasn't so sure she wanted to tell Joan about Chuck telling her to leave now.

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"I am concerned," Joan said. "You have no experience with this kind of thing and Chuck... Chuck is a nice guy to have as a friend, but he is not the kind of guy that falls in love."

She was so very out of her depth with this. "I understand wanting to feel good things, but you should talk to Professor Skywalker about how to take it slow."

[trigons_child]

"I do not think I can talk to Professor Skywalker about this," Raven said, eyes wide. She talked to him about everything else, but she couldn't imagine talking about sex and love with him.

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

Joan nodded. "Okay, but you need to talk to someone who knows more about this stuff than I do. Because I am worried about you and I don't know how much I can help."