trigons_child | Gotham, Saturday afternoon

Since Karla and Warren were away and a return to Kaeleer wasn't imminent, and Fandom wasn't being invaded or transformed or infected, Raven decided to take advantage of the time to pay a visit to her mother in Gotham. She had seen Arella infrequently since her restoration at Sebastian's hands, and each time it had felt strained and awkward. But she kept trying to close the distance between them. For most of her life in Azarath Arella had been forbidden to see her for fear of creating a maternal bond and the emotions that would result. Azar had been wrong; true, negative emotions were dangerous, for anger and fear fed her demon side, but others, like the love she bore for her friends, made her stronger. And now she wanted the mother's love she'd long been denied.

"You're graduating next year, aren't you?" Arella said idly over lunch at a cute outdoor café in one of the nicer parts of town. "Have you given any thought to your plans afterward?"

"I am not entirely certain," Raven admitted. "Karla will not graduate for another year, so I will have some time to do whatever I wish. I will want to spend time with Jono, of course. And perhaps I may do so with you as well?" She gave her mother a hopeful smile. Surely they could take advantage of that time to learn to know each other better, as they had never been able to do in Azarath.

Arella look a long moment to gather her words, lifting her tea cup to her lips and taking a sip. "No," she finally said, shaking her head. "Not now. With Trigon gone and me finally free, there is still much I have to learn about myself. Alone."

Raven's smile faded, turning to a confused frown. "But, Mother, I need you," she said. "You know how easily Sebastian was able to control me. I still need your help. I need guidance." Arella wasn't just her mother; she was her only connection to Azarath and all she had learned there.

"No," Arella said, her voice more firm now. "You need to learn by yourself as do I. I love you but I can't hold your hand. You now have emotions you have to deal with and learn to control, just as I have to learn to deal with life outside of Azarath. We're no longer protected from the world's evil. As for what we do with ourselves now that we're free, that's what living life is about."

"I do not understand," Raven said, hurt and confusion growing. "You are my mother. We grew apart on Azarath. We never truly learned to speak to each other, or even love each other. Why can we not do so now?"

Arella was shielding herself, and her face was as unreadable as her emotions. "I can't be what you want, Raven," she said. "I can't be your mother. I am leaving Gotham soon, and you won't be able to find me."

There were people around them eating, and Raven didn't want to cause a scene. She had to wonder if Arella purposely chose a place like this to tell her these things. "Why?" she whispered brokenly.

"Trigon controlled you," Arella said. "Brother Blood manipulated you. You're susceptible because you let yourself be. I love you, but if I gave you the chance you would rely completely on me to always protect you."

"That is not why you are saying these things, Mother," Raven said, shaking her head. She didn't want to believe Arella would be so cruel to abandon her now, after all their time apart.

Arella stared at her for a long moment. Raven pushed against her shields, desperate for the truth, and finally found a crack and felt the echoes of long-ago pain her mother felt when she looked upon her daughter. "I'm sorry, Raven," she said, dropping her gaze as she pulled out some money to place on the table to cover the cost of the meal. She pushed back her chair and stood up, still avoiding Raven's eyes. "Don't try to find me."

Raven watched her walk away, using her Azarathian training to hold back her emotions. She dabbed at her eyes with a napkin as she struggled with tears and the pain in her heart. When she was ready, she walked calmly from the café, but as soon as she was out of sight she teleported, fleeing back to Fandom.

[ooc: Dialogue swiped from The New Titans #67, because Raven is never allowed to be happy or something. Seriously, in rapid succession her mother abandoned her, she got bit by a wererat thing and temporarily went evil (again), she had an evil robot boyfriend who tried to coerce her into sleeping with him so he could eat her soul, and then she was tricked into trying to heal "the most insane man on earth" so she could be incapacitated and kidnapped and strapped down naked with the rest of the Titans for a freakin' YEAR before finally dying (again) in the LAMEST plot ever only to come back evil (again) wearing tiny strips of black leather so she could interrupt Starfire and Nightwing's wedding by smooching the bride and knocking her up (with herself) but I am not bitter really and totally ignoring most of that. GOD, CANON. Ahem.]