Raven

Good luck hiding from the Jedi, Raven.

Tahiri wasn't waiting any longer to pay up on her promise of that talk, and maybe her timing could have been better but that wasn't new for her.

"Raven?" she called, knocking on the door, and mercifully not adding I know you're in there.

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"Come in, Tahiri," Raven called quietly. She was actually fine with Tahiri coming to see her; she had asked to talk to her after all. "The door is not locked."

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Tahiri let herself in and closed the door gently behind her.

"I hope now's not a bad time," she ventured.

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She shook her head from where she was sitting cross-legged on her bed. "No, it is not," she said. "I have found myself with a great deal of time lately."

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"A lot of time staring at the walls?" Tahiri guessed, moving over to drop into a cross-legged position on the floor, facing her. "I can imagine it must be strange to be out and about right now."

Her expression turned a little more serious. "How are you . . . um, handling things?"

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"It is difficult to adjust to being back," Raven admitted. "I know it was only a short time for those here, but it was longer for me, and I am still troubled a great deal by what I did and how I hurt those I love. And I have learned that Azar, my goddess, used and abused Tara."

She hadn't lost the horrible feeling in her stomach at learning about that.

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Tahiri inhaled sharply, then snarled something under her breath before she schooled herself back to control.

"Deities have a tendency to do that," she said carefully. "And you and all the others by extension, I guess?"

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"I know that my father has used me," Raven said, wrapping her arms around herself. "And that Sebastian did as well. But I did not ever expect such a thing from Azar. And yet...she manipulated Tara, she manipulated those who came to try to save me from my father, and she manipulated me as well. All my life it seems I have been nothing but someone's pawn."

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Tahiri, without thinking, extended a wave of comfort in the Force toward her.

"It's a very humbling realization," she said slowly. "But you were hardly raised in such a way as to realize that. There are times . . ."

Her expression grew unfocused and distant for a moment.

"There's times that we never think to question what we were taught; it was just always the way things were, and still are, and should be. The part of me that was raised in a creche is like that. I never thought there was anything wrong with seeing machines as abominations, or thinking all other worlds and beings were simply there for us to conquer. All of us were being manipulated by our belief in the gods, and in the Supreme Overlord as a manifestation of Yun-Yuuzhan's will."

She could have gone on, but she paused there, to let Raven absorb some of that.

. . . and to breathe.

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Raven...blinked at her.

"Azar believed in peace and goodness," she said softly. "She taught me many things, such as how to separate my soul from my body. But that was all part of her plan. How could she preach of peace when all the while she was training me to be her weapon?"

She sniffled and wiped a hand across her eyes. "Trigon wished to use me to destroy. So did Sebastian. And now it seems Azar is just as guilty as they are."

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Tahiri scrambled up off the floor and over to offer Raven a hug.

"I know; it can't be an easy thing for you to be coping with. But what I do know is that I don't hold it against you for living by your beliefs, even if you were being manipulated through them. That's not the important part."

She tried to catch Raven's gaze, her own eyes intense.

"The question is, what will you do with yourself now? Will you let yourself be a pawn again?"

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Raven pressed her face against Tahiri's shoulder, trying not to cry. Everything had been so hard to deal with already, and then the revelation about Azar had yanked everything out from under her again.

"I do not want to be," she said, shaking her head at Tahiri's questions. "I do not want to be a destroyer."

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weetuskenraider - Date: 2011-02-01 11:28 pm (UTC) - Expand

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It was late by the time Karla realized that it was Monday night and she hadn't seen Raven pretty much at all since they'd rescued her. As much as she would like to stay in her room all day and hide (especially after stumbling over Hinata's note), she couldn't just abandon Raven right now.

Mother Night. Coming back from the dead was hard enough. Coming back from the dead to a campus that had already had your memorial was probably a million times harder. Coming back to friends that had seen what they had and done what they'd done...

Yeah. Karla might have been failing at girlfriend right then, but she could at least manage a passing grade Basic Friendship 101.

"Kiss kiss," she murmured, tapping lightly on Raven's door. She didn't want to be too loud in case Raven had somehow fallen asleep.

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She hadn't. She'd barely slept or eaten since her return, which she knew was foolish, but she'd had too much on her mind to try to take good care of herself. She'd probably get yelled at for it later.

"Please come in, Karla," she said. "I am awake."

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Or, you know, sooner than that. She was besties with a bossy Healer. Funny how that worked.

"You look awful," Karla said, coming inside and wrapping Raven in a giant hug. "You need to rest."

Because Karla looked all that much better, really.

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"What is wrong?" Raven said, hugging her back. She patted Karla's hair, wanting to take away her pain. "Please tell me. I could sense something was wrong earlier but I did not want to want to bother you...."

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"None of that," Karla said, though she did squeeze Raven extra-hard for a moment. "You have enough on your plate..."

Though was it really fair for Karla to ignore her own problems right now in exchange for focusing on Raven's? Especially if Raven was trying to do the same?

"How's this," she said, instead. "You get changed into your nightgown while I make you some tea, and then I'll brush your hair for a bit. And while we do that, I'll answer one of your questions for everyone of mine you answer. Fair?"

Then they could both avoid!

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"That seems fair," Raven had to agree. Hopefully Karla wouldn't ask her any hard questions, though.

She drew away from Karla and picked up the nightgown that was neatly folded at the end of her bed, then turned her back for some modesty as she slipped out of her skirt and top and bra and pulled the nightgown over her head. The clothing she'd shed was of course placed neatly in a basket to be washed later.

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Karla busied herself with the tea things, calling in a pot, some water, and her chamomile blend--the kind that helped prevent nightmares, since she was fairly certain those were plaguing Raven's dreams as often as everyone else's. She wasn't looking, exactly, but she couldn't help noticing something out of the corner of her eye, either.

"Raven," she asked, puzzled. "Where's your tattoo?"

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Raven glanced down her bare back, frowning. She hadn't exactly inspected herself in a mirror yet. "It is gone," she said. "This body -- it is all new again. Untouched."

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"That explains the virgin comment," Karla muttered, turning back to the tea. A tongue of witchfire was heating the water nicely, and Craft stirred the water a bit to aerate it ~~or something, look it's a detail that always gets mentioned, idk~~. She wanted to ask how exactly it had happened, but figured that probably counted towards one of her questions later. "Are you going to get another?"

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Resurrections and virginity restoration seemed to go hand in hand.

"I do not know," she said, voice slightly muffled as the nightgown went over her head and she tugged it down. "I will have to think about it."

She sat down on the edge of the bed. "How are you?" she asked quietly.

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Karla poured the boiling water over the tea strainers and let them steep, grabbing for Raven brush and sitting next to her on the bed. "Turn," she said, then flushed, thinking of the last time she'd given her that command.

Still. That one night had been so magical, so peaceful. Hard to believe that it could fall to far to where they were now.

Hard to believe Raven had been suffering, even then.

But those thoughts were even less helpful now, so she turned to brushing instead. "Better than I was Saturday night," she answered quietly. "Still not great. I spent most of the day in hiding. Didn't even go to the shop. 'Dite's not on the island now, so I figured it wouldn't hurt."

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