Room 509, Wednesday

[trigons_child]

After Raven had returned everyone to Fandom (and Sam to New York and Anakin to Rory and Juliet), she just wanted to retreat to her room to grieve. She was moving like a zombie, barely speaking, still almost entirely numb to what had happened. Her father had been forced back into his own dimension, but her mother was gone forever now in order to hold him there. She'd never been allowed to mourn for Azar when her teacher had died, and for a fleeting moment she wished it were the same for Arella so she wouldn't feel this awful pain.

Of course she hadn't been allowed to remain alone, though she refused all offers of food or drink with a silent shake of her head. She just sat on the floor, leaning against her bed, her heart aching.


[OOC: for anyone who stayed with her or anyone who comes by later. I'm around for an hour then off to the airport, but I will check in from there (because that's how I roll) and once I get home. Warning: emo girl is emo, but you know that. ;) ]

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[trigons_child]

"You know I trust you, Karla," Raven said, hugging her knees against her chest. "But I am not thirsty."

She had no idea of what may or may not have been said to Arella, but she would've suspected her mother had decided what she was going to do before she even set foot through the Great Door.

[glacial_queen]

That might be true, but Karla was going to shoulder that burden of guilt anyway. Her current allotment was running a bit low.

"I'll make it anyway," Karla said. "This is one of those times when you can't rely on your body to communicate what it needs. You're just too wrapped up in pain right now to notice anything else."

The good thing about Craft? Karla could make a kettle of tea and still hold Raven at the same time.

"Do you want to talk?" she asked. "About her? About anything?"

[trigons_child]

"I keep hoping I will wake up," Raven said, a tremor in her voice despite her attempts to control her emotions. "That this has merely been my fears causing me to envision the worst." Only it wasn't the worst; the worst would've been the deaths of everyone she'd brought into the Netherverse and remaining imprisoned by her father.

[glacial_queen]

Karla noticed the tremor. "Oh, darling, please don't," she said. "Don't hold back. Let yourself cry. Let yourself go. You're here and you're protected. I know it feels overwhelming right now--like you're about to drown in a storm of your own tears--but you've got to get it out. Or you'll never feel better."

[trigons_child]

"I can banish another's pain with the touch of my hand," Raven said brokenly. "But not my own. And it hurts so much." The walls were starting to crack despite how tightly she tried to cling to them.

[glacial_queen]

"I know it does. I know it," Karla said. "This sounds stupid, but it won't always hurt so much. And until it stops...you can share your pain with me. It's okay, I can bear it."

She'd done it before, hadn't she?

"If nothing else, Raven, think of this pain as one last gift from your mother." She tipped Raven's chin up to look into the empath's eyes. "Do you know what you are feeling? True grief. True loss. This is truly what separates you from your father. He will never understand what it is like to mourn someone precious to them. Where he finds fulfillment in death, you find loss. And that is the fundamental difference between you and Trigon."

[trigons_child]

"He would have me harden my heart to this kind of pain," Raven agreed, nodding slowly. "He wished me to ignore the suffering around us and be worshiped as a goddess."

She shivered involuntarily and rubbed her arms to warm them. "But there is too much of my mother in me, it seems." It was clear where her self-sacrifice had come from now.

[glacial_queen]

Karla's first reply to that wasn't a charitable one, so she bit her tongue and just nodded. "I told you that, didn't I?" she said, softly teasing. "You may get your powers from your father, but the way you use them comes from your mother. And, believe me, when it comes to powers, it's what you do with them that counts."

[trigons_child]

"I have told myself that for years," Raven said. "The good I can do with my healing and empathy is not changed by the fact that my gifts come from my father's blood."

She sighed softly and rubbed a hand across her eyes. "You were all right. I should not have gone with my father; that was foolish. I thought it was the right thing to do at the time, but...."